Today the last of the items from “home” will arrive at home. I'm not sure how I feel about this – I have a lot of stuff and a limited amount of space. I know this will mean that I have to pare down even further. It's a mixed feeling. There's joy at being done with the move, having my belongings, and being with my partner. Yet I also realize that there's a lot of things that need letting go.
There's so much that I have collected over the years that it's hard to relinquish even if there's bad association with it. Or musical instruments that are mostly unplayed, which have a sentimental value along with the guilt of wasted potential. Some of this is going to feel like admitting defeat even though there's nothing further from the truth.
It all comes down to having to realize that I'm one person who can only do so much in a day and remain healthy. I have done the full time UNIX engineer working 60 hour weeks to go on to working 30 hours at a dojo or in a touring band. Now I have a few hours between when the laptop lid closes and I go to bed. Sleep is good.
So what the last part of the move is really about is of who I am, what am I doing, why, and what I truly need to make that happen. I have things in abundance, but not time and energy. I am a dedicated partner, a technology professional, and maybe it's time to realize that I'm not going to be on a stage again or selling my music. Maybe it's time to realize that I don't need to hold onto a library of books on philosophy that I'll never read.
He can not throw away a treasure in time of need is truly in fetters, to borrow from Lord of the Rings. It's time to refocus and refactor.
© 2021 Otto Skrzyk